2014 Writing Process Blog Hop

When Morgan Dragonwillow asked me to be a part of the 2014-writing-process-blog-hop, I have to admit I was a little nervous.  I am still new to the writing and blogging world, but I decided to take on the challenge and write from the heart. 

Most of the bloggers throughout this blog hop have been writing for some time and no matter what blog you land on you are sure to find some nugget of truth that will help you along your writing journey. 

If you have ever been to Morgan Dragonwillow’s blog, you know that there is always some profound poetry or writing tip that will be sure to inspire or expand your writing style.  Morgan is the author of two transformational poetry books and Wild Woman Waking is just that, transformation in motion and will inspire deep thought. 

Morgan Dragonwillow’s newest book Wild Woman Waking is making its way to the top and can be found on Amazon.com. 

Here are my answers to the questions that many authors have already answered. 

1) What am I working on currently or just finishing?

I am currently working on writing a transformational book about my struggle with coming out and religion.  A book that I hope will impact the lives of other women struggling to be themselves in a world that fights against diversity and change. 

2) How does my work differ from others of its genre?

I am writing about my struggle with breaking out of my station in the bible belt, coming out as a gay woman and walking away from the religion of my upbringing.  This book seeks to inspire and give the reader steps to improving their lives.  This book is a healing Coming out story from the prespective of the whole person, and the impact that religion plays in the ability of people to be who they were born to be.

3) Why do I write what I do?

I write what I do because the world is not a safe place, but I want to believe there are still good people in the world.  Impacting the lives of others struggling and letting them know it does get better; the world needs people to be authentic and that is the reason I am writing my story.   

4) How does my writing process work?

After I have my coffee, I open my notebook, pull a card and write on that subject.  I am still new to writing and blogging, so my process is still a work in progress.  I put on smooth jazz mister Magic by Grover Washington and it allows me to let go and just write.  I need background noise that allows me to let go of other thoughts and just write.   

V is for Vacillate

I speak of vacillate in terms of fluctuating between emotions and never coming up with a solution or healing. 

That leads me to telling the story of my mother’s passing! 

My mother has been on my mind lately, she passed away in 2003 and I have been trying to find my way in life as a motherless daughter ever since.  Her death was very hard on me, I wanted her to fight because, I still needed and still need my mom. She was the most important person in my life.  Her death left me devastated, abandoned and lost with a very big hole in my life that cannot be filled by another.  


I bring this painful part of my life up because I have, until recently, been angry when thinking of my mother’s death. In my perspective she just gave up and the easiest way out was to transition. I have changed my way of looking at this situation. It came to my realization that her passing was an empowering act on her part by doing what was best for her; a beautiful example of keeping her personal power.

When I changed my perspective on this situation, and stopped vacillating from anger and guilt and what she did to me, I could see what she did for herself, I took back my power. I changed the energy of all the pain and anger I have felt, allowing room for real heart centered resolution and forgiveness. 

U is for Unemployment

Unemployment, what can I say, the word its self creates fear and unease.  

In late February of this year, I was eagerly awaiting my internship to begin and still unsure how I was going to manage working full time in a high stress job and interning as an addiction counselor. 

Truth is I did not want to work and do my internship,

I was miserable at my job, I dreaded Monday on Thursday. I believe I was miserable because I knew it was not where I was supposed to be. 

So, the week my internship was to start, I was laid off from my job, although I was in shock for a week or so, I knew I was going to be taken care of because I was meant to get the most out of this internship.  

It has been 10 weeks and working at an agency that helps women with addiction and homelessness has been the most rewarding experience.  I teach these women life skills that they my otherwise not had, such as self esteem and self worth.  

After doing this internship, I have realized that I cannot go back to the work I was doing before.  

That realization is big, because doing what is familiar, is safe, holding on to the belief and faith that I will be in the right place and time for a new job in the human services field is drastically different from my inherent way of taking the safe path.  

T is for Tom

I remember it made me angry, the skinny boy who nicknamed tom in the fourth grade. The anger would well up inside me and I would squint my eyes, and ball up my fists, but never lash out.

I was an active little girl and loved all things outdoors, running, climbing trees and playing sports.  

I was a Tomboy!

Those were hard times, I could not understand why, I was teased or pick on because I was good at sports and could do outdoor activities better than boys.  

Fact #1-Being a Tomboy does not necessarily mean that you are going to grow up be a Lesbian. 

I thought maybe I should talk about boys and how cute they are to make friends. Unfortunately,  the teasing of calling me Tom continued.

Fact#2- Pretending to be someone you are not, never works.

Then I thought I would play sports differently let the boys win, when that did not work, I never let them beat me at any game again. 

Fact#3- playing small, never ever helps anyone. Do not give your power up to make another feel bigger.  Your light is to valuable to the world.

That is a short version of how Confessions of a girl named Tom came about.  

So, I say to that boy how called me Tom, Thank you,

I am using those words of intolerance to light the path of others being tormented by bigotry or those afraid of difference.

S is for Sambuca

One evening while hanging out with friends enjoying dinner, drinks, and guitar hero, I was introduced to something that tasted like hot licorice and burned like fire.  If you only learn one thing from this it should be Sambuca is not your friend.  In the moment it may tell you that you in fact can, not only play guitar hero but in factyou are the guitar hero. Believe me, Sambuca lies and is in fact a backstabber!

The rest of the evening was a blur and the next morning I awoke with what I can only imagine was a hit and run.  I gathered myself up and my partner and I prepared to leave for dinner with my dad.

We stopped off by a Whole Foods so I could pick up a drink that would cure a hangover; a fruity drink with vitamins and minerals to revive your mind and body.  We ate homemade pizza with lots of colorful toppings. It was good but my body just wasn’t having it.  

Tip number two: Never ever, under any circumstances mix a hangover drink, pizza and a long bumpy car ride home. 

My stomach was so upset.  Morgan asked if I wanted her to drive but the thought of being in the passenger side just upset my stomach more.  I told her that I was fine and I could drive.  We headed out on our fifty mile journey home, my nausea was getting worse.  Morgan asked if I needed to stop but I just wanted to get home to my friend Pepto Bismol; the one that is always there for you after your night as a rock God.  

Tip number three: When someone asks you to stop if you feel sick, do it!

I was fine all the way through Atlanta keeping the nausea down, and then it hit me: the dreaded smell, some random smell from outside the Jeep.  I have no idea what happened in that next second. It felt like eternity and I could not control it.

This was not just throwing up but projectile puking all over the Jeep, all over the dash, steering wheel, down the door, in the side pockets, fruity drink and colorful toppings, it was everywhere. 

Morgan frantically saying, “Pull over!” as I am unable to speak.

I start pulling over, from the fast lane mind you, to the shoulder while opening my door. Morgan grabs the wheel to save herself as I lean out the door puking down the freeway leaving my mark on I75. 

We finally come to a stop, Morgan hands me bed sheets that were in the backseat of the Jeep to try and contain the mess.  After the madness, I look over at her with puke still on me and see the look of horror, I can’t believe what just happened, and would you be offended if I walk the rest of the way home, in her eyes. 

She calmly says, “Are you ok and can you drive us the rest of the way home?”

I said yes.

 Morgan emphatically states, “Good because we would have to call a cab because I am not going over there and sit in your puke. I have never, as long as I have lived in my forty five years, ever seen anything like that.”

I had to remove the carpet from the Jeep and have it shampooed, replace the floor mats. It took about a week to clean it out and get the smell mostly gone.

Next time, if there is a next time, I will pull over before it’s too late. Because it is very clear to me that you don’t want to call a cab to the side of the interstate because your car is covered in puke.  Or simply never drink Sambuca again.

Q is for Qualified

Full disclosure, it can be a paradox, when you feel kept down and encouraged at the same time, very confusing.    

I have been speaking of my past in hopes that anyone struggling with, breaking out of the cultural box of religion, sexual orientation, and low self efficacy.

I have spoken about my past and all the hurdles I have had to overcome, all of those hurdles have made me stronger and pushed me to become educated and help others.

I have had to work hard at not listening to the programmed messages that play in the background of my mind about work, love, and my worthiness.  

We all have programmed messages, even if we are not aware of them.

Qualifying myself through education, paid for by myself, has brought me to another level of brilliance, because I believe it, and even though my family still does not see it as beneficial; it is to me and that is what counts. 

P is for Purpose

I talk about purpose and personal power a great deal in my writings, I believe we were born with purpose and the challenge is defining that purpose through personal power.  

 I never thought of myself as a leader, I thought I was the person who helped the leader achieve the end result. 

Lately, during my internship working in addiction counseling I have found a new purpose, through personal power and an upward self efficacy, is that of a leader.  

Purpose, an inherent reason for our lives.

I grew up with no real purpose, well, except for getting a job and yeah that’s about it. 

I wanted more for my life, I didn’t want to be a cashier all my life, I told my mom this and she became very angry with and said “don’t Rise above your raisin”    

That saying has haunted me for many years.  I would take jobs offered to me, just because I had that internal tape playing in the background of my mind, “You are supposed to be miserable and take whatever job id offered, just to put food on the table.”   I very recently turned down a job because I was over qualified for the position. 

 A sign that the tape is starting to wear out.