Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Use Your Voice

Yes you can!  Use your voice
Open your mouth feel the sound
 Rising up from a place of power
Purposeful words to speak

Monday, October 1, 2012

New Beginning: The Road Ahead

She stands on the edge looking out at the world
What will happen to her, what will she become?
 She stands with one foot on the ground
One foot out stretched, letting go
She brings the other foot away from the ground
Courage in tow believing so,
Finds solid ground, the road ahead.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Confessions and Tales from a Jeep

One evening while hanging out with friends enjoying dinner, drinks, and guitar hero, I was introduced to something that tasted like hot licorice and burned like fire.  If you only learn one thing from this it should be Sambuca is not your friend.  In the moment it may tell you that you in fact can, not only play guitar hero but in fact you are the guitar hero. Believe me, Sambuca lies and is in fact a backstabber!

The rest of the evening was a blur and the next morning I awoke with what I can only imagine was a hit and run.  I gathered myself up and my partner and I prepared to leave for dinner with my dad.

We stopped off by a Whole Foods so I could pick up a drink that would cure a hangover; a fruity drink with vitamins and minerals to revive your mind and body.  We ate homemade pizza with lots of colorful toppings. It was good but my body just wasn’t having it.  

Tip number two: Never ever, under any circumstances mix a hangover drink, pizza and a long bumpy car ride home. 

My stomach was so upset.  Morgan asked if I wanted her to drive but the thought of being in the passenger side just upset my stomach more.  I told her that I was fine and I could drive.  We headed out on our fifty mile journey home, my nausea was getting worse.  Morgan asked if I needed to stop but I just wanted to get home to my friend Pepto Bismol; the one that is always there for you after your night as a rock God.  

Tip number three: When someone asks you to stop if you feel sick, do it!

I was fine all the way through Atlanta keeping the nausea down, and then it hit me: the dreaded smell, some random smell from outside the Jeep.  I have no idea what happened in that next second. It felt like eternity and I could not control it.

This was not just throwing up but projectile puking all over the Jeep, all over the dash, steering wheel, down the door, in the side pockets, fruity drink and colorful toppings, it was everywhere. 

Morgan frantically saying, “Pull over!” as I am unable to speak.

I start pulling over, from the fast lane mind you, to the shoulder while opening my door. Morgan grabs the wheel to save herself as I lean out the door puking down the freeway leaving my mark on I75. 

We finally come to a stop, Morgan hands me bed sheets that were in the backseat of the Jeep to try and contain the mess.  After the madness, I look over at her with puke still on me and see the look of horror, I can’t believe what just happened, and would you be offended if I walk the rest of the way home, in her eyes. 

She calmly says, “Are you ok and can you drive us the rest of the way home?”

I said yes.

 Morgan emphatically states, “Good because we would have to call a cab because I am not going over there and sit in your puke. I have never, as long as I have lived in my forty five years, ever seen anything like that.”

I had to remove the carpet from the Jeep and have it shampooed, replace the floor mats. It took about a week to clean it out and get the smell mostly gone.

Next time, if there is a next time, I will pull over before it’s too late. Because it is very clear to me that you don’t want to call a cab to the side of the interstate because your car is covered in puke.  Or simply never drink Sambuca again.

Saturday, July 28, 2012


It is simply trust, compassion and above all else it is about letting go.
She fights against it crying, SCREAMING, and finally she surrenders; the walls crumble down.
She lets go, discovers she's free, and soars.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Empowering- An Act of Surrender

This past month has been an exercise in surrender.  I have been brought to place where there is no more energy to fight and surrendering is the only option.  So I decided to look at it in a different way rather than how it may look to others.  I have had to release the feelings of overwhelm and anxiety, while letting go of the past, and allowing myself to just rest in the present moment.

When I feel overwhelmed I stop and take a slow deep breath calming my mind. I bring myself back to the present moment, where I have a choice.  I knew, in the moment, there was nothing that I could do to fix the problem and worry would only make me sick.

It is all about surrendering and letting go of things that happened in the past and things that might happen in the future and focusing on now, the very moment we are in.   The present moment is where our personal power dwells.   

In my experience surrender does not have to mean giving up on something; it is a letting go of what you cannot control. Surrender clears the way for a calmer mind and enables the releasement of feelings of overwhelm and anxiety.   There is real strength and personal power in surrender, allowing you to see the present moment instead of looking behind, or in front, at some unforeseen incident that has occurred or might occur.  When your focus is on the present it gives you power to make conscious choices from a heart centered place of strength.  Instead of the choice being made for you or by another, you can decide what is in the best and highest good for you, and usually what is in your best and highest good is also in the best and highest good for others. 

The message here is, surrender is a sign of strength not weakness. I believe it shows emotional maturity; it takes an aware person to realize that letting go is the best option.  Any time you honor yourself it always leads to something better.  

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Empowering - An Act of Love

My mother has been on my mind lately, she passed away in 2003 and I have been trying to find my way in life as a motherless daughter ever since.  Her death was very hard on me, I wanted her to fight  because, I still needed and still need my mom. She was the most important person in my life.  Her death left me devastated, abandoned and lost with a very big whole in my life that can not be filled by another.  

I bring this painful part of my life up because I have, until recently, been angry when thinking of my mother’s death. In my perspective she just gave up and the easiest way out was to transition. I have changed my way of looking at this situation. It came to my realization that her passing was an empowering act on her part by doing what was best for her; a beautiful example of keeping her personal power.

When I changed my perspective on this situation from what she did to me, to what she did for herself, I took back my power. I changed the energy of all the pain and anger I have felt, allowing room for real heart centered resolution and forgiveness. 

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Dedication - Empowering My Voice

This blog is dedicated to that part of me that has been hushed up, stuffed down, given up, belittled and told it was not that important. Speaking my truth and what is on my mind has been a hard task for me because, as a woman born and raised in the south it is better to be seen but not heard. As a lesbian the shame and guilt about feeling different makes your voice hide and as a recovering Mormon I was told it is not your place. These early lessons in my voice's history made it hard for me to speak my truth, believe in a cause and more importantly love myself.

I also dedicate this blog to all the southern women being  heard before seen,to all the lesbians reclaiming there voices as they come out of hiding and to all the women recovering from religion; it is your place and your right to be heard.

This is my voice waking and me speaking my truth and claiming my power.