This story is not for the faint of heart, the rigidly stiff or the tightly attached; it’s a tale about upheaval, displacement, strength and learning to lean out. I read a book a while back on the advice of a friend and a line that has stuck with me was “when in doubt, lean out;” meaning fighting against the current will get a person nowhere. The last several years have been just that, lessons in learning to lean out. I found myself in the void, in between old and waiting on the new.
This revelation of
going with the flow came at a time in my life with the most loss and
displacement, dealing with the decision to go through bankruptcy and the
surrendering of my house.
I chose to let go of my house; I was done trying to find ways to mold the house into a home I
Dealing with the stress of time dwindling down to the day that my partner and I had to leave our house, was
a futile fight against an invisible opponent to stop time; as you know the more
you want time to stop the faster it moves forward.
Our belongings were all put into storage with nowhere to go; my whole life fit into three storage units, and we were
anxiously awaiting news of the closing date for our new place.
We slept on the floor in three different places, with only what we needed in our day to day lives: clothes, bedding for
the floor and computers that was all we had on hand the rest was in
storage. Three months of void; I believe it was the universes way of stripping away all the fight and forcing me
to be in a place of surrender and flow.
There was no point in complaining, fighting to
change things or hold on to things. I am
normally an anxious person and change causes me much stress and was most
certainly unwelcome in my world. In this
void I relinquished my roof over my head, my bed, my control and my
security. I was tired and had no more energy to
So therefore, I decided to
look at the situation differently rather than how it may look to
outsiders. I have had to release
feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, while letting go of the past and allowing
myself to just rest in the present moment. I learned that going with the flow kept me in
the present moment allowing me to relax in the now with an understanding that the
present moment is where our personal power dwells.
months of flux our things were moved a total of eight times before we would
move into our new space. This experience
made me understand that sometimes Universe has a way of cleansing you; when I
stopped fighting and pushing against the current is when I was able to let
events unfold in their own organic time; me pushing was not going to make the
closing date on our new home come any faster, so, I had to go with the flow and
make the best of it.