Thursday, April 3, 2014

C is for Courage

Life takes courage, courage to heal, courage to love and most importantly the courage to change.

Encouragement is that feeling, from another, that everything will be alight and you can conquer anything. Encouragement back then was something that was in short supply.

Even though I had discovered that I was gay, I was still struggling with an inner conflict.  

A disassociation split was driving me crazy, between I am bad but this feels right and I should suppress this feeling and follow the Mormon teachings. Both had a negative connotation and it would take courage to realize, I was not bad but a perfectly made image of the creator.

As a person with a Mormon upbringing, I thought I should just be the person everyone expected me to be. By my early twenties, I should have been married and have a child while looking for new ways to take care of my husband.

My anxiety was high and at that point I thought I had to choose my family or my happiness. I started isolating myself from everyone, hoping that my secret identity would not be discovered. It was going to take an eminence amount of courage and encouragement to finally come completely out of the closet.  


  1. It took a lot of courage to write this post, and this blog. I hope that you are now getting the encouragement you were looking for to honor yourself as the perfect you that you were meant to be! <3

  2. It takes so much courage to be one's true self. Good for you! :D I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    ~Tui Snider~
    My blog: Tui Snider's Offbeat & Overlooked Travel
    I am also part of the #StoryDam team, a friendly writing community!

  3. It takes courage to be true to yourself and go against expectations no matter who you are....glad you are accomplishing it.

  4. My mom always said that "God doesn't make junk"...her take on the "God doesn't make any mistakes" quote :)...and you are matter who you love. I was raised a Catholic, so I probably was brought up with very similar teachings as you were. And sometimes it's hard to reconcile my brain with what my church teaches and what I feel in my heart. I have gay friends and family and have never thought anything negative of them ever. I think you are very brave for posting this. God Bless you!

  5. Facing the scrutiny of family and friends does take an inordinate amount of courage. Loving yourself enough to take that step takes courage, too, because we are taught that self-love is wrong. I hope you continue to find encouragement so you can make the brave choice to put yourself first. You deserve it!

    I'm participating in AtoZ, too.
    See you around!