V is for Vacillate

I speak of vacillate in terms of fluctuating between emotions and never coming up with a solution or healing. 

That leads me to telling the story of my mother’s passing! 

My mother has been on my mind lately, she passed away in 2003 and I have been trying to find my way in life as a motherless daughter ever since.  Her death was very hard on me, I wanted her to fight because, I still needed and still need my mom. She was the most important person in my life.  Her death left me devastated, abandoned and lost with a very big hole in my life that cannot be filled by another.  


I bring this painful part of my life up because I have, until recently, been angry when thinking of my mother’s death. In my perspective she just gave up and the easiest way out was to transition. I have changed my way of looking at this situation. It came to my realization that her passing was an empowering act on her part by doing what was best for her; a beautiful example of keeping her personal power.

When I changed my perspective on this situation, and stopped vacillating from anger and guilt and what she did to me, I could see what she did for herself, I took back my power. I changed the energy of all the pain and anger I have felt, allowing room for real heart centered resolution and forgiveness.